all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize