Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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