apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
