I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
