i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no you cant smoke seaweed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
