Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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