i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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