Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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