The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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