i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
