Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
