i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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