All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize