I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
