Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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