maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
