i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
