after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize