It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
