we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
