i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
