it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
