i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How does it feel to date your dad?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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