I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
try to milk me bitch
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