Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
