There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
