so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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