I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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