just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
