its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
