Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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