Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i will never coherently bang her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
