Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I checked into jail on foursquare
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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