Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
