i need an iv and a liver transplant
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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