Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
