i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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