You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
