Define "chronic" masturbator.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
