Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
