things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
