If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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