listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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