I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
