Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
