Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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