literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
