I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize