Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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