New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
