I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love having hate sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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