does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
