Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
