Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
