Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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