I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
