Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
