Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
