Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
