I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
