What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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