this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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