1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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