i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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