I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
