We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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