Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
