Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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