FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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