I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
