I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
