I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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