drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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