the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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