Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize