fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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