It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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