My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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