he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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