she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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