i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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