Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
