you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
