Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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