And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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