Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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