my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
