I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
