The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
