Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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