Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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