I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
