nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
