I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
