Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
