The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
