Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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