It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
