I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's always time for handjobs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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