I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
