We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
