very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
