I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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